41 Comments

I FUCKING LOVE YOU

Expand full comment

Seconded.

Expand full comment

> I have often found claims I believe within Hinduism...

was it "don't have a cow, man"?

Expand full comment

lmfao first and foremost! an old sage told me: yes, Brahman is Atman; but Bartman is above this.

Expand full comment

Man I love that Simon Weil quote LOL….

Have you read any John Wu? His book Chinese Humanism and Christian Spirituality has some great essays on eastern/western spirituality. The Lao Tzu and Saint Therese one especially is πŸ”₯πŸ”₯

Expand full comment

This was an absolute delight! Alienating and controversial topics are always a great time, especially when they are well defined. You talk about it all with such finesse that even if you don’t fully agree, it feels lovely to read. Your home altar is beautiful. And that El Greco painting. WOW.

Expand full comment

Oh yeah, it’s a real one; Roger loved it, I believe had seen it in Toledo as a younger man and felt greatly affected by it. I don’t have a reproduction, but I do have some reproductions of other El Greco works; they’re all compelling to me. And thank you for the kind words!!!

Expand full comment

My wife and I rarely read each other’s stuff. I don’t think it requires a big explanation. I don’t want to read a poll about it, but I suspect a lot of two-writer couples already know the other is nuts in really a neat way. So why ruin a good thing just for validating evidence?

Expand full comment

hahahahaha very well put; I wouldn’t trust a poll anyway: too many people want to perform an ideal, even when answering some silly poll!

Expand full comment

I can’t believe I get to talk to you all the time! This post is like one of our conversations in written form so I’m gonna print it out and keep it forever.

Expand full comment

I feel very lucky to know someone who can and will talk about this stuff with me; a lot of this stuff I literally worked out in those chats!

Expand full comment

Parts of this connect to my own experience, other parts are very, very far from my experience and perspective, but I appreciate this as extremely well-presented in an important way.

I've seen the suggestion that, when approaching difficult or controversial subjects that it can be more productive to not approach it as an attempt at persuasion-- trying to convince other people of your beliefs-- and instead say, "here is what works for me, and if you are interested in hearing more about why I have found this perspective helpful I can share more."

This post is a great example.

Expand full comment

I’m at Costco so I will be to the point: I think you’re a good person and would be even if you weren’t weighed down by doubt. Even without mustache. Or long philosophical ramblings. Just a solid dude.

Expand full comment

Some really beautiful thinking in here, Mills.

Expand full comment

Lovely essay. I am no one to come to for advice on relationships, but if a marriage can be seen as a living thing, maybe it's a good idea not to try too hard to take it apart to see how it works.

Expand full comment

πŸ’―πŸ’―πŸ’―πŸ’―πŸ’―πŸ’― We did couples therapy a few times during a hard patch and both left one day feeling like: tinkering with this is a mistake lmfao! It wasn’t without its value, but broadly: it’s not a system to be optimized IMO!

Expand full comment

I think you've comprehensively dealt with relationships. It's alchemy. I consider myself lucky if anyone is prepared to accompany me even part way along the path, and I've learned to try not to question why.

As far as religion is concerned I too used to think that our very capacity to contemplate the existence of God indicated that there must be a supreme being. Unlike you I ended up atheist, but I see a lot of merit in Buddhist teachings.

Thanks for another very relatable post. I always find them helpful.

Expand full comment

Relationships are so mysterious that I should’ve said that they too make me feel epistemologically open! Also: I appreciate that you shared your atheism; I know it’s sometimes awkward to register that sort of difference, but I think it’s lovely and for the good to be straightforwardly honest about where the same things have led us, and e.g. for other readers I’m glad to have a demonstration here in the comments that all the same inputs can lead to different conclusions. Kundera has a great line about how non-tribal atheism and non-tribal credence are closer to one another than either is to the sorts of intense group projection dynamics that characterize many adherents of both!

Expand full comment

Dude brilliant! I call myself a woo-adjacent atheist so I’m the question of β€œall of nothing” I guess I land on all, including the claim that there is no god.

Also love your thoughts on marriage. I feel that applies to me and my wife as well, but it’s not a view that gets much press nowadays. Love that line of the modern conception of β€œreification of best friends with benefits”. But yeah, I definitely feel a little self conscious about that too. But maybe a little fear is good so we don’t complacent about the state of play at home.

Expand full comment

I feel very self-conscious about it; it’s like a semi-magical and definitely delicate little mechanism, like a complex watch built in the heart or something, and even talking about it feels like it could break it!!!

Thanks for the great comment Justus! Always great to hear from you.

Expand full comment

Thanks Mills for sharing so personally and profoundly. Shorts eaten...

Expand full comment

Mills, as I was reading through your description of religious beliefs, I wished you could sit down for an in-depth converstation with our friend Ellis Potter (his background is in theology, philosophy, music, and art). He is a descendant of Charles Wesley, and while he grew up Christian, he felt that "Christians cared more about maintaining their religious subculture, than looking for answers to questions and exploring deep connections" that were of great interest to him. After exploring many religions (he was a Zen Buddhist monk for several years), he ended up converting to Christianity under Francis Schaeffer at L'Abri in Switzerland. For the last four decades, he has been speaking and teaching internationally on worldviews, exploring how the major worldviews have profoundly different consequences for how we see everyday reality, hope, and the purpose of our lives. My husband Peco served as editor for his books, and I think you might appreciate

3 Theories of Everything https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13432505-3-theories-of-everything or the newly released "A Universe That Hopes" (which is a compilation of all his books).

Expand full comment

Everything you and Peco have written and shared has been so outstanding and life-improving that I’m ordering both of these right now, and I’ll have a chat with anyone, anytime! I can’t promise that they’ll enjoy it, but I know I always do!

That mini-biography is of course extremely relatable!

Expand full comment

The 3 Theories is part of "The Universe that Hopes" so need to order both. I think you'll appreciate Ellis' approach; it is unlike any other Christian thinker that I have encountered. His interview biography (Staggering Along With God) is also worth a read and entails the most fascinating encounters including Paranamba Yogananda, the Pope, and an Italian train companion who sang the whole of Rigoletto (we even get a mention too:).

Expand full comment

I loved this description of marriage! It resonates with my experience.

Expand full comment

How do you feel about ghosts and UFOs?

Expand full comment

Never had a sense about ghosts, but wouldn't reject the possibility! I find most "theories of ghosts" β€”that is, the implications and overall frame of mind that people who believe in themβ€” pretty underdeveloped / hard to assess, but that's not damning to me.

I have absolutely no idea what is happening with UFOs lmfao. Open to anything, but if you put a gun to my head, I've lately had the paranoid belief that the elites know we're dying out here with our dead-ass incoherent "materialism" and they're hoping to crack the vault of the sky open for the common people with controlled leaks about what may be something, may be nothing, may be their own damned skunkworks shit!

Expand full comment